If this is business, why do we take so many things personally? Let’s explore…..
When you take things like rejection, criticism and loss of business personally, you create ill thoughts and feelings to expand in your mind. If you are not careful, they can spread like a virus, escalating to feelings of unworthiness or resentfulness. You might lose confidence in yourself, which could be detrimental to your career. I realize this may sound like an exaggeration, but in all seriousness, taking things personally is dangerous. Allow me to illustrate how this is possible.
Imagine you are finishing up a great listing presentation at a potential client’s home. Everything seems to be going well. The sellers are nodding their heads in agreement and you hand them the pen and show them where to sign. All of a sudden, you find yourself leaving without the listing. You know you came well prepared and did nothing to offend them, so you start questioning yourself, “What did I do wrong? Should I have asked one more time or used a stronger close? Am I fit for this career?” And so on. It is very hard not to take it personally, but you must not allow yourself to do so. You see, in sales, you must learn to accept rejection as merely another step closer to a “yes”. That is all it is. If you take those “no’s” personally, you will find this business very frustrating.
Obviously, there are many scenarios that can cause you to take things personally. The one above is just one example. Here are some others that I have either experienced or watched my clients experience:
1) You notice your competitor’s sale sign in your past client’s yard. (Ouch!)
2) Your friend or relative buys a house without asking you to represent them.(Double ouch!)
3) Someone criticizes your service.
4) Someone acts disrespectfully toward you. (Cold calls, anyone?)
6) You are expecting one answer and receive the opposite.
Have you ever been in any of the above scenarios? How did you feel? Did you feel a personal hit to your self esteem, question your abilities or just brush it off and move on? If you are like most people, you probably took it personally. You probably questioned your skills, your relationship with the other person or both. While that is the natural reaction, you can do yourself a huge favor and learn how to STOP TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY! The following tips and thoughts should be helpful:
1) Learn and Study Detachment – Detachment simply means to free yourself from the opinion and/or actions of others. If you do not allow yourself to become attached to the outcome of a situation, you will be able to accept any outcome without feeling a sense of loss. It is a learned process, that when mastered, will give you ultimate freedom and immunity from feeling bad or guilty when you do not get what you expected. This does not mean that you should act as if you do not care about the situation. You just do not allow it to affect your mindset, which ultimately affects your business.
2) Apply the SWSWSWSW Technique – Some will…some won’t…so what…someone’s waiting. When you don’t get the listing or the sale, move on…there is another seller or buyer waiting for you. The more time and energy you waste dwelling on the listing or sale you didn’t get, the less time and energy you will have for the next one. This goes hand-in-hand with detachment. If you are not attached to the listing or sale, you will not be bothered if it doesn’t transpire.
3) Understand and Recognize Projection – Many times people will take how they feel about themselves or how they see themselves and project that onto the other person. Have you ever been accused of being or acting in a certain way, when those traits or actions really belonged to the accuser? I remember a situation when someone accused me of slacking off. I was angry, because I knew that was not true. I have many faults, but slacking off was not one of them! Fortunately, I was familiar with projection and I recognized the one pointing the finger was using it on me. He was the one who frustrated people by not following through or holding up his end of the deal. Learn to recognize situations like this so you will not get caught up in this manipulative behavior. Take a good look at the source before you take anything to heart.
4) Recognize the Value of Feedback – It is not always easy to listen to criticism without taking it personally. Remember, feedback can be an important learning mechanism and can help your business tremendously. As I mentioned above, the source is the first thing to consider. Who is providing you with the feedback? Is it coming from a trusted friend, relative, manager or coach, for example? If you think it is coming from someone who wants to help you, listen. Ask yourself what you could learn with the feedback. If you feel that the criticism was given to you without reason, let it go.
5) Clarify the Message – Be sure you understand the message the other person is trying to convey. We have all been guilty of making assumptions and finding out later that our assumptions were very wrong. Ask questions and repeat back what you hear to make sure there are no misunderstandings. Do not let stories be amplified in your mind before you truly clarify and interpret the message correctly.
6) Do Not Give Into Victim Mentality – If you choose to feel like a victim, everything will seem like a personal attack on you. In addition, you will feel like you do not have any control of your experience, as it puts the other person in control of you. If a situation arises where you feel yourself taking things personally and you begin to feel like a victim, remind yourself how unhealthy that is. Create empowering statements that you can say to yourself when you start going in that direction. For example: “I am in control of my experience and I am responsible for how I feel.” “I choose not to allow this to upset me.” “I choose to let this go and move on.” “What can I learn from this experience?”
Ultimately, letting go and not taking things personally will improve your outlook on your business and give you room for growth. Your goal should be to work towards your vision….what you want your business and life to be. Only you can create that vision, and it is your responsibility to work towards progressing towards that vision. Do you want the opinion of others to control your progress? Do you want to remain stagnant, not willing to make improvements and become complacent? Or, do you want to move forward, getting closer to your vision? The choice is yours.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. My vision includes helping others to reach their visions. I hope this helped you get one step closer to yours! Please feel free to call or email me with your feedback. I promise not to take it too personally!
Great information! I know I need to stop taking things personally in business, you’re right it is just business and applying the SWSW…..rule would help tremendously! There are millions of people out there and someone always needs what we have to offer if we just keep that as our main focus.